How To Choose Faith Over Fear
In this inspiring episode of Broken Beautiful Me - Stories of Hope, Gratitude & Resilience, host Kelly Buckley sits down with Kelley Tyan, a bestselling author, top global podcast host, and master transformation coach specializing in faith, fitness, and mindset. Kelley's remarkable story is one of resilience, perseverance, and unwavering faith, making her a true inspiration for anyone seeking to overcome life's challenges. As a 4X national bikini champion, breast cancer survivor, and the host of the top global podcast Addicted To The Climb, Kelley has become a leading voice in helping women conquer fear and transform their lives.
In this episode, Kelley shares her journey of battling breast cancer and how she leaned on faith, prayer, and gratitude to stay strong, even in the face of uncertainty. Her message centers around choosing faith over fear—an empowering mindset that has helped her climb higher in all aspects of life. Kelley explains how fitness and mindset played crucial roles in her healing process and how these elements, combined with a strong faith, can lead to profound personal transformation.
As the author of the bestselling book Addicted To The Climb, Kelley provides practical tools for women to build a strong foundation of faith, cultivate mental resilience, and stay committed to their personal goals. Her passion for helping others shines through as she discusses how anyone can use gratitude and prayer to overcome adversity and find strength in difficult times.
Whether you're facing a personal struggle, looking to strengthen your faith, or seeking motivation to achieve your goals, Kelley's story will encourage you to keep climbing, no matter how steep the journey may seem. This episode offers invaluable lessons on the power of faith, the importance of gratitude, and how we can all choose faith over fear.
To learn more about Kelley Tyan's transformative work, visit her website addictedtotheclimb.com, or connect with her on LinkedIn at Kelley Tyan LinkedIn.
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00:00:02
hello everyone and welcome
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to another episode of
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broken beautiful me I'm
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kelly buckley your host and
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today I have the pleasure of
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interviewing Kelly Tyen.
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And I just want to talk to
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you a little bit about her
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bio before we jump right
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into the questions.
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So she is a lover of Jesus, a proud wife,
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and a mother of two children.
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She is a keynote speaker,
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a two-time author of
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Addicted to the Climb and the One Prayer,
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host of her podcast,
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Addicted to the Climb,
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breast cancer survivor,
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four-time national bikini champion, and
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and sought after Christian
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transformational coach for women in faith,
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health, mindset,
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and personal development.
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With over 20 years of
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leadership experience, Kelly has inspired,
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transformed,
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and empowered countless women
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to live with big, bold faith,
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overcome challenges,
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and become courageous
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leaders at home and in the workplace.
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Kelly, it is such a pleasure to have you.
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Thank you so much.
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I'm very excited to be here.
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So just to jump right in for
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our listeners who may not
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be aware of your important work,
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can you just share a little
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bit about your personal
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journey and experiences and
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kind of the wisdom that you
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share in your books,
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Addicted to the Climb and The One Prayer?
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Yes, I would love to.
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So I grew up as an only child.
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I'm going to take you back a little bit.
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I grew up as an only child
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with two loving parents
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that we were super close.
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Such a blessing to say that
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we were the way we were
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because I know it's not
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super common and I don't
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take that for granted at all.
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But my mom suffered with
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rheumatoid arthritis my
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whole entire life since I was born.
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And through that,
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I saw her just live in a
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lot of physical pain.
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However,
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her faith just kept her so
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grounded every single day.
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There'd be times where I'm
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having a headache or if I
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didn't feel good,
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but I'd look at my mom who
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had a broken body and she
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was always smiling, always had faith.
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It was just a beautiful
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thing to always see and
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have as a role model, but be, you know,
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bouncing back, being resilient.
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So over my course of my life,
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going through ups and downs,
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teenage years and coming to my own faith,
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I just realized that without faith,
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things can be really hard.
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And for me personally,
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leaning on my faith through
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everything is the only way
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I can have strength to get up in the day.
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So that's really my backstory.
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And it just led me,
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I've ran four businesses over the years.
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I started as a teacher.
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I was coaching.
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I had a fitness business.
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I ran a large network
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marketing group within the company.
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few different things that I had going on.
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And then I realized that
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women need more support and
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they need more faith in their lives.
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So it drew me after my
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fitness business ended,
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I was called to just write my story.
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And Addicted to the Climb
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was born at that time at the end of 2020.
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when I was in silence
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through COVID and thinking
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about my next moves and God
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was really just speaking to
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me that use your voice,
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help women so they can
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start climbing out of their deep,
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dark places the way you have.
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And that's what I started doing.
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I started transitioning into
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more faith-based coaching
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because I just have found,
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I don't know if I'd be here
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today if I didn't have my faith,
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if I didn't have
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something other than myself to lean on.
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So I tie in my coaching,
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my faith coaching into
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helping women to become
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whole and healthy and have
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a solid mindset and just become,
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as you said,
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courageous in their lives to
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do things that they dream of doing.
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I feel a lot of times women
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hold themselves back either
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from pain that they're in,
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trauma they went through,
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or just not feeling good enough.
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And I've been there.
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I've been through the pain.
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I've been through grief.
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I lost my mother from a
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sudden aneurysm seven years ago,
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which was very unexpected.
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And that was a rock bottom
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moment for me where I
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didn't know if I could get back up.
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I went,
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I had to get on medication for the
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first time in my life.
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I was actually in such a
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scary place mentally.
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And then I had to just pull from my faith.
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So I'm very passionate to
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help women know that
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there's another side.
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when you go through really
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hard times and having faith
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over fear is the start.
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That is just beautiful.
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And I'm so sorry for the
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sudden loss of your mom like that.
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That must have been, you know,
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you just must have felt so
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groundless at that moment.
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And for you to take that
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pain and then turn it into
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a beautiful purpose is just
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something just so inspiring.
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And you've also you're also
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a breast cancer survivor.
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And and so tell me how how
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that framed and really
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formed the message that you
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share with women, because that experience,
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I mean,
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that must have been a big part of
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building the foundational
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belief system that you have now.
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Absolutely.
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I mean, nobody wants that phone call,
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right?
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I went and had my regular
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visit and we found
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something and I dismissed it and said, oh,
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how could that be?
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That's not going to be anything.
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I didn't even think that way,
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to be honest with you.
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But getting that phone call,
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which actually happened two
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months before I was opening
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up my own fitness business.
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So when I got the call, Kelly,
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you have cancer, my world was rocked.
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I mean, completely.
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I had shame.
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I had guilt.
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I had anger, sadness, disgust,
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embarrassment.
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Like, how could this happen to me?
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I'm here.
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I'm starting a fitness business.
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I'm supposed to be the healthy one.
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And here I was facing cancer,
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which is beyond scary.
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But I did have my pity party.
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I am human.
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I will say I'm not just a robot.
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People say, how did you do it?
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I can talk about it very
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strongly because I did go
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through a hard time.
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I did cry it out.
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I was very afraid, but again,
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I had to really say, okay,
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what is my choice?
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I want to choose faith the
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way I saw my mother.
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I saw her wake up every single day,
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not knowing what's gonna
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happen in her body.
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I mean,
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that woman had 30 surgeries and
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life threatening surgeries
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at certain points in my life.
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And so when I was faced with the cancer,
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as we all face things in life,
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I had to step back and say, okay,
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I do have a choice.
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I can let this eat me alive,
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keep me up at night, keep me worried,
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keep me fearful,
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keep me stressed out and overwhelmed.
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Or I can choose to walk in
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faith and let go and let God,
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because that's what I was taught.
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That's what my mother did.
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I saw her jump back up, bounce back,
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put her makeup on and go about her day.
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We don't know our outcomes, right?
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And I'm so, I learned this.
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through the hard things that
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I've been through that if
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we hang on to the pain,
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the pain is only going to
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snowball in our body and
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create more pain.
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Just like when we hang on to
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happy thoughts,
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think of when you're happy
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and you take on happy
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feelings and it's like a
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ripple effect both ways.
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And I didn't want to go down
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that road of ripple effect,
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ripple affecting myself,
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if that's a term,
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into a deeper, darker place.
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I wanted to rise up.
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I wanted to show up to my
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bootcamp business and show
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women that here I am,
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I'm going through something really hard,
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but I'm going to show up
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because I want to
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continually try to create
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new pathways in my life of health,
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of faith,
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in empowering myself to do that.
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So that's the road I took.
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And I'm so grateful to this day.
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I've been
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cancer free for 15 years.
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And it's amazing.
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And God's in control.
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And I leave it at that.
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Yeah, that's I mean,
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and I so appreciate your
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honesty about the range of emotions,
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because I think too, as women, especially,
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you know,
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when you look at us as mothers that we,
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you know,
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tuck our little babies behind us
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and protect them from what's happening.
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And
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or we have a face that we
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face outward to the world.
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And I think it's so
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important for women to have
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the conversation that it's
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okay for us to fall apart.
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It's okay for us to be
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really pissed off about
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what's going on and have a
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day where we're just really
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down about things.
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But at the end of the day
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that we are at that fork in
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the road and we have to
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choose which path we take,
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to move forward because our
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life is continuing whether
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we are sticking our heels
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in the dirt or not, right?
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Our time continues to march forward.
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And so what are we gonna
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take from that experience?
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Your honesty is just
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something I think is such
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an important part of how we
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as women speak to each
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other these days and make
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peace with the fact that things happen,
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doesn't make us any less
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beautiful at all.
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Amen to that.
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It's so important to be
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honest and share that.
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Yes, I was screaming.
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I put my head in the pillow.
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I pulled my hair out.
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I mean,
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there were times where I was very
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fearful.
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Three o'clock in the morning
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comes when we're going
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through hard times.
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Who's with us?
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Just us.
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We're alone.
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And it's a very scary place,
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but it doesn't always, in my eyes,
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being faith-filled
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It doesn't have to be.
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You know,
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I believe in God and I believe
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that he's always there and
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I believe we can cry out to
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him and his peace is
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available to us at all times.
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We will make it through.
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I tell myself that often.
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I mean, I have teenagers,
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so I have to say we will make it through.
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Right.
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It's just something we have
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to choose and it's hard.
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Life doesn't give us all the
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right manuscript to follow
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and we don't know outcomes of everything,
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but it's the faith piece
00:10:48
that really keeps me grounded.
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And do you feel like your
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faith allows you in a way to, you know,
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I remember myself in
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difficult times and you
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feel that moment of
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surrender where you say, you know what,
00:11:03
I don't have an answer for this.
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I can't figure things out.
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And so it's up to you.
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It's up to you, God,
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because I just don't know
00:11:12
how to get through this on my own.
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Do you feel that that moment
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of surrender is, in fact,
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a powerful thing that you can do?
00:11:21
Yes,
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because in our moments of feeling
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powerless,
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that's where when we plug into God, wow,
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it's almost,
00:11:30
I describe it to my clients
00:11:31
often that we charge up our
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phones every day so they
00:11:35
have power and they work.
00:11:36
The only way I can work and be
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on my game and come back
00:11:42
from fear-based thinking to
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faith-based thinking and go
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about my day is when I plug into God,
00:11:48
plug into my faith and say, okay,
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I don't have control over this,
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but you do.
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And I always say, let go and let God.
00:11:57
And that's it.
00:11:58
And when you take on that kind of mindset,
00:12:00
Your perspective shifts.
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Things just shift in your
00:12:03
environment that can be so powerful.
00:12:06
You almost take your control
00:12:07
back and you don't feel as powerless.
00:12:12
So yes.
00:12:13
I love that.
00:12:16
Um, so just for our listeners, because I,
00:12:19
I, you know, as I've,
00:12:21
I chatted with you about that,
00:12:22
I work with the bereave, um, and I,
00:12:25
I know that there's just
00:12:26
times that they just don't
00:12:27
feel there's ever a way to,
00:12:29
to push past that.
00:12:31
So can you maybe share a
00:12:32
moment when you yourself
00:12:34
wanted to just give up that
00:12:35
climb and how you propelled
00:12:38
yourself and pushed forward?
00:12:41
Oh,
00:12:42
I know how that feels firsthand too
00:12:45
many times and through the
00:12:47
death of my mom happening so suddenly.
00:12:50
So to give you a little
00:12:52
backstory for a quick minute, my dad,
00:12:55
six weeks prior to my mom's passing,
00:12:58
my dad was diagnosed with a
00:13:00
rare blood cancer.
00:13:02
called myelofibrosis,
00:13:03
which came out of nowhere.
00:13:05
He was probably one of the
00:13:07
healthiest men I ever knew
00:13:08
because he cared for my mom.
00:13:10
He took care of her.
00:13:11
He was her caretaker.
00:13:13
So my dad never took a
00:13:14
Tylenol in his life.
00:13:16
So he was a runner.
00:13:17
He ran every day,
00:13:18
five miles a day to seven miles a day.
00:13:21
This came out of nowhere.
00:13:23
And that was another rock bottom moment.
00:13:26
But I'm only telling you that because
00:13:29
in reality it would have
00:13:30
been I thought maybe my dad
00:13:33
didn't have a chance
00:13:34
because this disease he had
00:13:36
to be stripped of his
00:13:37
immune system have a full
00:13:39
stem cell transplant be in
00:13:41
isolation for a year so it
00:13:44
was risky and to lose my
00:13:46
mom in six weeks from the
00:13:49
day he went into the hospital suddenly
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everything was ripped out
00:13:53
from underneath me.
00:13:54
I was, I was helpless.
00:13:56
I was, I felt hopeless.
00:13:57
I was, I was at the rock bottom.
00:13:59
Like I said,
00:14:00
I started having panic attacks.
00:14:02
They were really starting to
00:14:03
scare me because I didn't
00:14:05
ever experienced that before in my life.
00:14:08
Yes, I had breast cancer,
00:14:09
but I did get through that
00:14:11
in a different way.
00:14:12
This was like a double whammy.
00:14:14
Both my parents were sick
00:14:15
and one passed away all at once.
00:14:17
And so I,
00:14:19
Being that scared and rock bottom,
00:14:21
I remember just crying.
00:14:23
And three months passed by,
00:14:25
and I just remember I'd be
00:14:27
on my front lawn.
00:14:28
I wouldn't even make it into
00:14:29
the house some days.
00:14:31
My neighbors probably didn't
00:14:32
know what was going on,
00:14:33
but I'd be face down in the
00:14:35
grass and just screaming some moments.
00:14:37
And...
00:14:39
i got myself to a place I
00:14:40
was really sick and tired
00:14:44
of feeling this way I
00:14:46
didn't see my way out until
00:14:48
the moment I said I can't
00:14:50
do this it was either me
00:14:51
and I can be honest I'll be
00:14:54
very honest with you I even
00:14:56
contemplated ending things
00:14:58
for myself because I was so
00:15:00
helpless in the moment and
00:15:03
it was a very scary place
00:15:04
to be but I said you know
00:15:05
what kelly you have
00:15:07
kids you have a husband
00:15:09
there are people that need
00:15:11
you in life and if I give
00:15:13
up that's the easy way out
00:15:16
at this point I wanted to
00:15:18
choose I remembered how my
00:15:20
mother did things again and
00:15:22
I wanted to choose to take
00:15:24
a step and what I really
00:15:26
did personally I opened my
00:15:29
bible that was really what
00:15:31
I did I said god I need you
00:15:34
more than ever I just
00:15:35
started talking to him more
00:15:37
And every time I did that,
00:15:39
I felt a little touch of his peace.
00:15:43
And day by day,
00:15:44
I started climbing my way
00:15:46
back out of the deep,
00:15:47
dark hole that I was in.
00:15:49
And I started feeling better.
00:15:51
I started getting outside, taking walks,
00:15:55
being in my own thoughts,
00:15:56
getting into prayer.
00:15:58
And that's really what
00:15:59
healed my heart because nobody...
00:16:02
I think when you lose someone,
00:16:04
some people are afraid to
00:16:05
talk about it because they're like, don't,
00:16:07
I don't want to bring it up.
00:16:08
And if you're in a good mood right now,
00:16:10
what if it drags you down?
00:16:11
And I think they don't
00:16:13
understand that when you're
00:16:14
going through grief,
00:16:14
we want to talk about it.
00:16:16
Call us, like reach out,
00:16:18
ask us how we're doing.
00:16:20
And not many people did that.
00:16:21
So I was alone and I have a
00:16:23
lot of friends and it's not their fault.
00:16:25
I mean, when you don't go through,
00:16:27
we all go through things
00:16:28
very differently and it
00:16:31
it's just,
00:16:32
so I think at the end of the day,
00:16:34
my message would be for
00:16:36
people going through grief
00:16:38
or just very dark, hard times,
00:16:41
choose life.
00:16:43
And it's all about choosing
00:16:44
to speak life into yourself
00:16:46
because nobody can do that for you.
00:16:49
No one's delivering you a
00:16:50
message at your front door.
00:16:52
Oh, today's your day.
00:16:53
You got this.
00:16:54
The only way we can do that
00:16:56
is to speak life into ourself.
00:16:59
And for me,
00:17:00
I started writing out I am statements,
00:17:04
a new mantra,
00:17:05
and I would repeat these
00:17:06
things until I believed
00:17:08
them and they fueled me.
00:17:11
And that's really,
00:17:12
and this was a long journey.
00:17:13
It didn't happen overnight,
00:17:14
but all those things I just
00:17:16
told you took me a couple
00:17:19
years to get to where I am today.
00:17:22
And it was work,
00:17:23
but I was willing to put
00:17:25
the work in because I hated
00:17:27
feeling that way.
00:17:28
I didn't.
00:17:29
And there was another moment
00:17:31
if I can share,
00:17:32
I'm getting all honest with you today,
00:17:34
but I just was at one point
00:17:38
after losing my mom,
00:17:39
I thought everyone around me, my,
00:17:41
my kids were going to die.
00:17:42
My husband was, it was like,
00:17:44
I thought everyone was
00:17:45
going to die and all the people I loved.
00:17:47
And I, I was living in such a, a fear,
00:17:50
fear stricken mindset.
00:17:53
It had to stop and I had to make it stop.
00:17:56
So that's really what I did.
00:17:59
That's so beautiful.
00:18:01
And just to connect to the
00:18:03
fact that you're not going
00:18:05
to fix this overnight.
00:18:06
It is going to take time.
00:18:07
It is going to take work.
00:18:08
And you have to make that
00:18:10
conscious decision to do so.
00:18:12
I remember those panic attacks.
00:18:15
If we're both being honest here,
00:18:17
I remember them.
00:18:18
And they're debilitating because...
00:18:21
They affect your complete
00:18:23
mindset about everything
00:18:25
because you are so scared
00:18:27
that the other shoe is going to drop.
00:18:29
Exactly.
00:18:31
And it takes work to get
00:18:33
past that for sure.
00:18:34
Exactly.
00:18:35
You have to really buckle up
00:18:37
for the ride and say,
00:18:38
this is the road I want to take.
00:18:42
And I'm going to put my
00:18:43
blinders on and get there.
00:18:44
And I promise you will get there.
00:18:47
You will.
00:18:48
The pain never goes away.
00:18:49
My mom is still seven years later.
00:18:51
I mean, there's moments that, you know,
00:18:54
of course I have my cries.
00:18:55
I miss her to death.
00:18:56
She was my best friend.
00:18:58
But God can mend those places,
00:19:01
those broken places,
00:19:03
and maybe your mess can
00:19:06
become your message.
00:19:08
And it's a powerful thing to
00:19:10
help someone else that's
00:19:11
going through what you've been through.
00:19:14
Absolutely.
00:19:15
So I know that primarily you
00:19:18
are a Christian
00:19:20
transformational coach and
00:19:22
I love that work.
00:19:24
So how does your message
00:19:25
resonate with other faiths
00:19:28
and how do you apply your
00:19:29
teaching to kind of create
00:19:30
that more tolerant world
00:19:32
where we all respect who we
00:19:35
are in all our differences
00:19:37
and we understand the
00:19:38
message of God's love?
00:19:40
You know, back to my mom,
00:19:42
she's very present today,
00:19:43
but she never pushed religion on me.
00:19:47
And I put that in quotes
00:19:49
because it was never about
00:19:52
following a specific rule or whatever.
00:19:55
She didn't do that.
00:19:56
What she did do,
00:19:57
and what I respect so much,
00:19:59
is she modeled the love of Jesus.
00:20:01
That was it.
00:20:02
She gave God's love freely to everyone.
00:20:05
My mom worked in a school where children,
00:20:08
high schoolers, were...
00:20:10
thrown out of every school
00:20:11
that they can be thrown out of.
00:20:12
And this is where they end up.
00:20:14
So these kids were always at
00:20:16
my house and she was always
00:20:17
just a light in people's lives.
00:20:20
And I learned that judging never works.
00:20:24
We can't judge others.
00:20:25
And so I just love people
00:20:27
where they're at.
00:20:28
I want to help women
00:20:29
primarily because that's
00:20:30
who I've been working with for 20 years.
00:20:33
I want to encourage them to, again,
00:20:35
speak life into themselves
00:20:37
no matter what.
00:20:38
And for me,
00:20:40
God's love looks different for all of us.
00:20:43
And we can have God's love.
00:20:45
We all can have.
00:20:46
God chose all of us.
00:20:48
Nobody's special.
00:20:49
He doesn't play favorites.
00:20:50
Doesn't matter if you're
00:20:52
If you robbed a bank
00:20:53
yesterday or you did
00:20:55
something terrible that you
00:20:57
think you can't go to God with,
00:20:58
he loves you right where you are.
00:21:00
And that's my message to people.
00:21:03
And it's my message that
00:21:04
there's always hope if we
00:21:07
just trust that God placed
00:21:09
you here in this time.
00:21:11
So that's my approach as I coach women.
00:21:15
And we just work on
00:21:16
developing their gifts
00:21:18
inside and bringing them back to life and
00:21:21
getting them on the path
00:21:22
that they're excited to be on.
00:21:26
That is so wonderful.
00:21:29
So you write about the
00:21:31
importance of surrounding
00:21:32
yourself with the right people.
00:21:34
So,
00:21:35
and I love this because that is
00:21:38
actually one of the prayers
00:21:40
my husband and I say every
00:21:41
morning is that we, we,
00:21:44
wish them well,
00:21:45
but we want God to kind of
00:21:49
weed out the people who are
00:21:50
not necessarily part of our
00:21:52
journey and bring people
00:21:54
who are and wish those
00:21:56
people well on their own path.
00:21:58
And
00:21:59
And we've realized that in
00:22:03
order to maintain the
00:22:04
mindset and the belief that
00:22:07
we have about what we're
00:22:08
here for in our lives,
00:22:12
that it is important that
00:22:14
you be in the circle with people,
00:22:16
not just voices who 100% agree with you,
00:22:18
not by any stretch,
00:22:21
I love a good,
00:22:23
lively conversation where we
00:22:24
can talk about, you know,
00:22:25
different topics and not worry about,
00:22:27
you know,
00:22:29
everybody being offended at
00:22:30
everybody else.
00:22:31
But but it is good to have your circle,
00:22:34
your people who.
00:22:35
So what can you say to people about,
00:22:38
you know,
00:22:38
kind of looking at who they have
00:22:40
in their life and how you
00:22:42
surround yourself with
00:22:43
people who can help you
00:22:46
start that climb yourself?
00:22:48
It is definitely crucial.
00:22:50
And I didn't learn this
00:22:51
until I was older and that's okay.
00:22:53
And I actually,
00:22:53
I talked to my kids about
00:22:55
it all the time.
00:22:55
I mean,
00:22:56
that saying you are the five who
00:22:57
you hang out with, who you associate with,
00:23:00
especially if you're
00:23:02
associated with the bad kids, well,
00:23:04
you're going to look that
00:23:05
way and you're going to
00:23:06
start acting that way.
00:23:07
And we rub off on each other, right?
00:23:09
It just happens.
00:23:11
So we have to be mindful and
00:23:14
aware of the people we are
00:23:16
spending the most time with,
00:23:18
because whether you like it or not,
00:23:20
their actions, their behaviors,
00:23:22
they will rub off on you.
00:23:23
So I am very much.
00:23:26
I have done the same as you.
00:23:27
I have.
00:23:28
prayed for God to close doors.
00:23:31
You know,
00:23:31
sometimes it's very hard if a
00:23:33
close friend is just
00:23:35
running in a different
00:23:36
direction than you are.
00:23:38
And maybe you're not
00:23:39
comfortable with that.
00:23:41
Let God do the work there.
00:23:43
That's what, that's how I say.
00:23:45
And he always does.
00:23:46
When you fully surrender,
00:23:48
he'll make a way for you to
00:23:50
get yourself out of that somehow,
00:23:52
some way.
00:23:53
I mean,
00:23:54
I'm speaking for myself because
00:23:55
it's happened before.
00:23:57
a handful of times where
00:23:59
nothing really happened,
00:24:00
but all of a sudden the
00:24:01
friendship just kind of took a turn.
00:24:03
And I'm just like, thanks God.
00:24:06
I give him a little, I know that was you.
00:24:10
You did that.
00:24:11
So I didn't have to do anything,
00:24:12
but it is important to surround yourself.
00:24:15
And that's why I run my
00:24:16
masterminds for women
00:24:17
because women are always like,
00:24:19
I don't have these circles.
00:24:20
And I
00:24:21
I don't know who,
00:24:22
how do you find the people?
00:24:23
And for me,
00:24:25
that's the space I offer women as well.
00:24:27
So come meet your sisters.
00:24:29
We are a Christian community.
00:24:31
So I am very specific with that piece.
00:24:35
I mean, all is welcome if you want to,
00:24:37
you know, entertain what the faith,
00:24:39
you know, the Bible is about.
00:24:41
But I think getting yourself
00:24:43
in the right circles and
00:24:45
you will find your people.
00:24:47
It's a very important for
00:24:48
your life in your future.
00:24:51
That is great.
00:24:54
So I work, as I said,
00:24:57
with the bereaved and I am
00:25:01
a bereaved parent.
00:25:03
And I have met so many
00:25:05
people who suffer with kind
00:25:08
of the unknowns following
00:25:10
the loss of a loved one.
00:25:11
I don't know how I'm going to go forward.
00:25:15
When you lose a loved one or
00:25:17
as a bereaved parent that you
00:25:19
or just someone who has lost like a parent,
00:25:22
as you say,
00:25:23
that year of firsts moving
00:25:26
forward is so tough.
00:25:29
Can you speak a little bit to, you know,
00:25:31
how you navigated that and
00:25:33
maybe give us some tips for
00:25:37
that grieving community
00:25:38
who's going through that year of firsts?
00:25:41
Oh, man, I remember like yesterday.
00:25:43
And, you know, for me,
00:25:46
I had to just let myself
00:25:48
feel all my emotions, to be honest.
00:25:50
I just I guess the year of
00:25:52
first is the hardest year
00:25:54
you'll ever go through.
00:25:55
I mean,
00:25:56
you think the death part was
00:25:57
already hard and then it's
00:25:58
the year of the first.
00:25:59
And I just was torn apart.
00:26:02
And I would give myself grace.
00:26:06
I really would.
00:26:08
I would just tell my family,
00:26:09
I can't do this right now.
00:26:12
But also at the same time,
00:26:13
I didn't let it trickle on for days.
00:26:17
Maybe in the beginning,
00:26:18
the first couple firsts,
00:26:20
but as life keeps going, again,
00:26:25
we have a choice.
00:26:27
And crying and suffering
00:26:31
just creates that snowball
00:26:33
effect in our bodies.
00:26:34
And we can make ourselves
00:26:36
more sick physically if we
00:26:39
stay in those places.
00:26:40
And I did that.
00:26:40
I lost a lot of weight.
00:26:43
So I just remember towards
00:26:46
the end of the year,
00:26:47
just smiling and saying,
00:26:50
I'm going to make it.
00:26:51
I'm going to get through this.
00:26:53
I've gotten this far.
00:26:55
And I'm not giving up.
00:26:57
And so it's a step I took.
00:27:00
I would speak.
00:27:01
I'm all about speaking to myself.
00:27:03
If you're hearing the pattern,
00:27:05
because nobody, you know,
00:27:06
my husband would try to put
00:27:07
his arm around me.
00:27:08
And sometimes that would make me,
00:27:10
I'd be like, don't touch me.
00:27:12
You know, sometimes grieving,
00:27:14
you don't even know what you want.
00:27:17
But speaking life into yourself,
00:27:19
journaling can help.
00:27:22
Journaling your feelings.
00:27:23
Because again,
00:27:24
unless somebody's walking in your shoes,
00:27:27
they don't understand.
00:27:29
They don't.
00:27:30
It's hard.
00:27:32
So journaling was a
00:27:33
tremendous alleviator of my stress.
00:27:36
to just talk and write, why God, why,
00:27:39
whatever is on your heart.
00:27:41
You just feel better when
00:27:43
you put the pen to paper
00:27:45
instead of keeping it all in your head.
00:27:47
The more you keep it here
00:27:49
without letting it out only
00:27:51
stays there and causes more anguish,
00:27:55
I felt, and more stress in my body.
00:27:57
So I write and
00:27:59
get moving.
00:28:01
Exercise was a very big component for me.
00:28:04
I mean, huge.
00:28:06
And I started with a walk.
00:28:08
I remember just walking
00:28:10
around up and down my street.
00:28:12
And then I went back to the
00:28:13
gym slowly and got myself there.
00:28:15
And I started listening
00:28:17
while I was at the gym.
00:28:19
Music would make me cry.
00:28:20
So I
00:28:22
Come on.
00:28:24
Somehow a song would always
00:28:25
trigger something.
00:28:27
So I stopped doing that and
00:28:29
I started tuning into podcasts.
00:28:31
I started listening to life givers,
00:28:34
you know, people that would pastors,
00:28:37
sermons.
00:28:38
And then I found myself in
00:28:39
the gym for an hour when I
00:28:41
started with 20 minutes.
00:28:43
So it was all a good thing.
00:28:44
It helped me mend and repair
00:28:46
and restore and all of it.
00:28:49
That is, that's beautiful.
00:28:51
And journaling is a big part,
00:28:54
a big component of my teaching.
00:28:57
Um, and one of the things that, uh, I,
00:29:00
I released a kind of a
00:29:01
guided journal and through,
00:29:03
through a path,
00:29:04
I call it from pain to purpose.
00:29:06
And in there, um,
00:29:08
letter writing was a huge
00:29:10
healing component for me.
00:29:12
Um,
00:29:14
And so I,
00:29:16
one of our neighbors who was
00:29:17
actually a minister and he said, you know,
00:29:19
you should write a letter to God and,
00:29:21
and just, and then write a letter,
00:29:24
what you think God would say back to you.
00:29:27
And I thought, okay.
00:29:29
So I thought about it for a
00:29:30
couple of weeks before I
00:29:31
was brave enough to try it.
00:29:32
And I'll tell you, I howled at the moon.
00:29:34
I cried my eyes out with those two letters,
00:29:38
but at the end of it,
00:29:41
When I read them back, a letter to God,
00:29:44
I mean,
00:29:44
I knew what I was going to say there,
00:29:45
but what was God going to say to me back?
00:29:47
And as I wrote it and as I
00:29:49
finished that letter, I was like, yeah,
00:29:51
I think that's it.
00:29:53
I think that's it.
00:29:55
And it was...
00:29:56
It was so healing.
00:29:57
And at the time, my younger son was 12.
00:30:01
And we tried to normalize
00:30:03
grief as much as we could.
00:30:04
And so I told him, tears are normal.
00:30:07
Don't be afraid of them.
00:30:08
And if you see me crying,
00:30:10
it's just I'm letting steam
00:30:11
off my grief kettle.
00:30:12
That's what I would say to
00:30:14
him when I was writing those letters.
00:30:19
He would lean into my office and say,
00:30:21
you good?
00:30:21
And I would say, yeah, I'm good.
00:30:24
I'm good.
00:30:24
I'm fine.
00:30:26
Because I was fine because I
00:30:28
had to work through that.
00:30:30
I had to work through that emotion.
00:30:32
And so, you know,
00:30:34
I think what I'm hearing
00:30:35
from you is you have to
00:30:37
look it in the face.
00:30:38
You can't look away because
00:30:41
if you're not honest with yourself,
00:30:42
it's just going to sit
00:30:43
there and it's going to
00:30:44
bubble up in some other way.
00:30:45
It's going to bubble up as anger.
00:30:48
It's going to bubble up as, you know,
00:30:50
frustration with your
00:30:51
family or frustration at
00:30:52
work or whatever.
00:30:54
you know,
00:30:54
impatience with yourself or
00:30:56
beating yourself up on the inside,
00:30:57
which as women,
00:30:58
we're super good at at times, right?
00:31:02
So you have to look yourself in the face.
00:31:04
Would you agree with that?
00:31:07
100%.
00:31:08
I remember Mel Robbins wrote
00:31:10
a book about the high five.
00:31:12
I don't know if you remember that.
00:31:14
Love her.
00:31:15
I remember doing that to myself.
00:31:17
Look, because the mirror thing,
00:31:19
like you said,
00:31:20
is looking yourself in the
00:31:21
face and saying, we got this today.
00:31:23
We got this.
00:31:25
It's very powerful.
00:31:27
It is.
00:31:28
And you know, it's, it's,
00:31:31
it's taking your power back
00:31:33
from a moment where you
00:31:35
feel so groundless.
00:31:37
And it's never perfect.
00:31:40
Life is not perfect,
00:31:42
but you are recognizing
00:31:44
that and then just making a
00:31:46
decision to live the life
00:31:49
that your mom would be proud of you.
00:31:52
My mom is proud of me.
00:31:53
My son is proud of me.
00:31:55
That
00:31:55
You know,
00:31:56
all those family members and the
00:31:59
legacy that they left us
00:32:00
with that they can look
00:32:01
down upon us and say, okay,
00:32:04
she took what she was given
00:32:06
and she made something beautiful.
00:32:08
Yes.
00:32:12
So how is your journey going
00:32:14
to evolve in the next few years?
00:32:16
I want to know if you have
00:32:17
any new climbs planned and
00:32:19
what you're looking forward to tackling.
00:32:21
Yeah.
00:32:21
I do, and I'm so excited.
00:32:24
So I have my mastermind,
00:32:26
which is at the end of September.
00:32:28
It's a six-month program
00:32:30
working with amazing
00:32:32
like-minded women who are ambitious,
00:32:35
and it's super fun.
00:32:36
We meet every single week.
00:32:37
And then I also have a brand
00:32:39
new project coming out soon.
00:32:42
I've partnered with my daughter,
00:32:44
which is a dream.
00:32:45
It's amazing.
00:32:46
She's 25,
00:32:47
and we're starting our new project,
00:32:50
and it's going to be awesome.
00:32:51
podcast.
00:32:53
So stay tuned because it
00:32:55
will be launching end of September,
00:32:58
early October.
00:33:00
That is amazing.
00:33:01
And you get to work with your daughter.
00:33:03
What a dream is right.
00:33:05
A dream.
00:33:06
It is so exciting.
00:33:08
Just putting all the pieces
00:33:09
together and figuring it
00:33:11
out and we're just going for it.
00:33:14
That is so cool.
00:33:17
So if you could give your
00:33:18
younger self one piece of
00:33:21
advice before starting this journey,
00:33:22
what would it be?
00:33:24
Stop beating yourself up.
00:33:26
Seriously.
00:33:28
That came right to mind.
00:33:29
I think just
00:33:31
You're enough.
00:33:33
Stop beating yourself up.
00:33:34
God created you the way you
00:33:36
are with your unique gifts.
00:33:38
Don't try to be like
00:33:39
somebody else because I've tried that.
00:33:42
It doesn't work.
00:33:43
No, me too.
00:33:45
You know, my younger self, you know,
00:33:46
you're trying to be like her and do this.
00:33:49
And then it only leaves you
00:33:51
feeling unworthy, right?
00:33:53
At the end of the day.
00:33:53
So that's it.
00:33:55
Just take what God gave you
00:33:57
and run with it because you are special.
00:34:01
That's, that's beautiful.
00:34:03
And, and you are special, Kelly.
00:34:07
I feel so honored to have
00:34:09
the chance to talk to you today.
00:34:11
So before we go, I want you to,
00:34:13
to let people know how they
00:34:15
can find you and,
00:34:17
and how they can find your books.
00:34:20
So they can find,
00:34:21
I hang out on LinkedIn
00:34:23
quite often and it's just
00:34:25
Name, Kelly Tyen.
00:34:27
I am on Instagram as well.
00:34:28
And my website has all the things,
00:34:30
my books, my podcast,
00:34:32
and it's called addictedtotheclimb.com,
00:34:35
which is also the name of my podcast.
00:34:38
That's great.
00:34:39
So I encourage all of our
00:34:41
listeners to go and check
00:34:43
out Kelly's work.
00:34:45
Inspirational is an understatement.
00:34:48
So thank you so much for
00:34:50
coming on the show, Kelly.
00:34:51
I really appreciate it.
00:34:53
Thank you for having me.
00:34:54
Such a blessing.
00:34:55
God bless you, Kelly.
00:34:57
Okay, thanks.