Embracing Grief, Finding Growth
In this deeply moving and transformative episode of Broken Beautiful Me - Stories of Hope, Gratitude & Resilience, we is joined by Jason Jurado, a certified Master Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), NLP Coaching, Time Line Therapy, and a certified Master Hypnotherapist. Jason shares his unique expertise in helping individuals overcome emotional roadblocks, offering guidance on how to process and embrace grief while finding hope, growth, and healing. His work at the Center for Loss and Hope, where he supports families after the passing of loved ones in hospice care, has given him profound insights into navigating the intersection of loss and hope.
In this episode, Jason discusses the importance of using grief as a catalyst for personal transformation, how to break through mental and emotional challenges, and the power of mindset shifts in the healing journey. His compassionate approach and deep understanding of human psychology make this conversation especially impactful for those facing loss, seeking resilience, or looking for guidance on their personal development journey.
Listeners will walk away with practical tools for overcoming adversity, building emotional resilience, and transforming pain into purpose.
To learn more about Jason Jurado's work, visit his website onepathcoaching.com or connect with him on LinkedIn at Jason Jurado LinkedIn.
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If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, share it with your friends and family, and leave a review. Your support helps spread the message of hope, resilience, and gratitude to more listeners around the world.
00:00:01
Welcome.
00:00:02
So welcome to the show.
00:00:03
Today we have a very special guest,
00:00:06
Jason Dorado.
00:00:08
He is a gifted healer and storyteller,
00:00:11
a transformative speaker and trainer.
00:00:14
He has a lifelong passion
00:00:16
for writing and an
00:00:17
intuitive understanding of
00:00:18
the human psyche.
00:00:20
And Jason brings a unique
00:00:22
perspective to helping
00:00:23
others find and live their purpose.
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He's always had a calling as a healer,
00:00:28
helping others from a very young age.
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He has certifications in
00:00:32
neuro-linguistic programming, hypnosis,
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timeline therapy, polyvagal theory.
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and also experience with
00:00:41
indigenous medicine, mindfulness,
00:00:43
and meditation,
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which I'm very interested in.
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Jason is also a US Marine
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Corps veteran and works
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with veterans with an
00:00:50
intimate understanding of
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their unique challenges.
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So first, thank you for your service,
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Jason.
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Greatly appreciate it.
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And just let's jump in right now.
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So for people who haven't
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really heard about your work,
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And they're meeting you for
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the first time today.
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Can you just give us a bit
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about your background for
00:01:13
listeners and how you came
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to to really be doing this
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work today to help others?
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Yeah.
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And thank you so much.
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And thank you for having me
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on your program.
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I really appreciate it and
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joining you today.
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So, yeah, as you said,
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this has been my calling,
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my purpose since I was a
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very young person, my earliest memories.
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And unfortunately,
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there was no mentorship.
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There was no guidance.
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And so that becomes, well,
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was what I'm feeling okay?
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Is what I'm doing all right?
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And as children, you know, we look around,
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we have the imprint era, you know,
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one to seven or birth to seven,
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and we kind of just take in
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our environment around us.
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And there wasn't a lot of talk about that.
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There wasn't a lot of talk
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about emotions and feelings,
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let alone being empathetic
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and feeling others and
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helping others and things of that nature.
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family's very loving and
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caring but it just the
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guidance wasn't there and
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so so I had that from a
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very young age and you know
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you it finds outlets these
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callings these purposes
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that we have find outlets
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and so I was the friend
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that everyone would come to
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when they had problems or
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when they were down or
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something like that it
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would go see jason and I've
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always been a jokester I
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love humor humor is very
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high in my values even with
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clients I just had a new
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client start and I told her I said listen
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I shared the quote about
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life is too important to take so serious,
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something along those lines.
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And so I've always been a jokester too.
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So that always makes things easier.
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We're laughing, we're healing.
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But I try to figure out,
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so this is my calling, my purpose.
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And I went through many
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years and I won't share my
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whole story today,
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but the relevant parts.
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I got to a point where I said, well,
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if I'm going to help others,
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I need to have a toolbox.
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I need to have some way that
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I can quantify it and say, well,
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this is what I'm doing.
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I can't just sit with people.
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And that does work.
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I tell people that all the time.
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Just learn to be still and
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sit with people.
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We talk about grief,
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and that's very important
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in the grief process is to
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have someone around you,
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have that community that
00:03:11
can just sit with you and
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be still and be present.
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But beyond that,
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if I was going to do more with it,
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I had to find the toolbox.
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I had to find things that worked.
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And so I looked at a lot of
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different modalities.
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And I love the fact about
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what I do is it's an art and a science.
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And there's heart and there's head.
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And so I looked for things
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that spoke to me and that's
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because that's who I am.
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And I looked at things that
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spoke to me and that's when I found NLP,
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Neuro Linguistic Programming.
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We can get into a little bit later,
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kind of the details of what NLP is,
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but it really spoke to me
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and I really loved it.
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Working with the unconscious mind,
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really helping to make
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shifts and changes in
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people's lives without it
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being a very long drawn out process.
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Being able to change now,
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being able to make shifts
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within the moment.
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And it is a process and
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healing is a process.
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And when I say healing,
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It's not curing.
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Healing is making you whole.
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So you might be healed and
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then pass away the next day
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if you have a disease,
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but you're whole and
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complete before you make that transition.
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So just to clarify,
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that's what I say when I mean healing.
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It's not curing.
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So I really started with that.
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And then from my NLP course,
00:04:20
the instructor, Tad James,
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which was my mentor,
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he had passed away a few years ago.
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He passed on.
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He taught hypnosis and
00:04:28
timeline therapy behind that.
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This is another technique.
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And I really fell in love,
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and I just really loved it.
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And then over the years,
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I don't want to be, you know,
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what do they say, the jack of all trades,
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master of none.
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I really want to be present.
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I really want to know what I
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know and to be comfortable.
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You know,
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they say incompetence or
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unconscious incompetence,
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where you just know what you know,
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and you don't resource it and say, oh,
00:04:51
well, I'm going to use this technique.
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You just help people.
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And so I looked for things
00:04:56
that complemented what I already did.
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what spoke to me about how
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can I continue to help
00:05:01
people in a deeper way.
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And that's when I found
00:05:03
polyvagal theory in the
00:05:04
last couple of years.
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And it's dealing with the
00:05:07
body and the nervous system.
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And it ties, it all ties in.
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So that's been my journey.
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I still, I'm always learning.
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I'm, you know, people ask me,
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what's your hobby?
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And I'm blessed that my
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passion and my calling is my career.
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and so that that also the
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flip side of that is that
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that's what I do and so I
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love photography I have a
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wife and we have some
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kitties and you know cats
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and I have a great life but
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my focus and my time is
00:05:33
really about learning and
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going deeper and continuing
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on my journey of knowledge
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and wisdom so I can help others
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That's beautiful.
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And I think when you're on
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the path and you know that
00:05:46
this is your calling, that's not work,
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right?
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That's just waking up and
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living the life you're supposed to lead.
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So that's wonderful.
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So you do coaching.
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So just tell for the audience,
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can you just explain kind
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of what kind of situations
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do you help your clients navigate?
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So just give us just a few
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examples of situations
00:06:08
who arrives at Jason's store and says,
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please help me.
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Right.
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So it's interesting.
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And you know, as we,
00:06:15
as I turned this into a business, as I,
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as I, you know,
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turn that corner and I've
00:06:18
been doing this part-time since,
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I've been seeing clients
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since just putting
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part-time and I went
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full-time seeing clients
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and I have a background in
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retail leadership, human resources.
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I was a trainer.
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So I have,
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I have that structured
00:06:33
background as well beyond what,
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who I am and what I do in that sense.
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So,
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People come to me when they're looking,
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they know something's off.
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And so I'm going to stop for a second.
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So I I'm a writer too.
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And I wrote a post about, well, who needs,
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who needs a coach?
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And my question is, well,
00:06:51
who needs a car mechanic?
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And so at every level to,
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to use that analogy at every level,
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you need it.
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Whether your car broke down
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and you need somebody to
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come out and fix it,
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or you're just planning on
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a long trip and you want to
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just make sure your car's
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running right and things are good.
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Or if you have a super car, you know,
00:07:09
you have a race car and you
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want to keep it at peak performance.
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Everyone at that different
00:07:15
level needs a mechanic.
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Same way with seeing me.
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Whether you're just like,
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I'm just struggling and
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getting out of it.
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You know, Wayne Dyer, beautiful Wayne Dyer,
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passed away years ago.
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But he always said, you know,
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he says there are two types of people.
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You either wake up and say, good morning,
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God, or you wake up and go, good God,
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morning.
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You know, so there's two ways to do that.
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And so if you're waking up and you're like,
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oh, morning, I see those folks too,
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where they might, you know,
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I was talking to somebody,
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have a conversation talking
00:07:47
about helping people find their purpose,
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find and live their purpose.
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That's kind of my path because of my story,
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because it took me so long
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to fully step into that.
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And this person said to me,
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and it's someone that's close to me.
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And they said, I can't even hear that.
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Finding my purpose,
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I'm so far from that right now.
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That's not even,
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I can't even hear you basically.
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And it made me take a step back,
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but it was a huge learning
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for me because I was
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talking where people are gonna go,
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not where they were at.
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And so I had to spread my
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message out to be able to
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connect with everybody
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regardless of where they're at.
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And so people come to see me
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when they're just like, I don't know,
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something's just wrong.
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I'm treading water.
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I just I'm not excited about life.
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I don't have a vision for life, whatever.
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And people come to me when they're like,
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you know, things are pretty good,
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but I'm just not fully
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living where what I want to do.
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I'm not sure my purpose or
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maybe I thought I knew what
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my purpose was,
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but I don't know how to get there.
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I don't know what to do.
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I've tried some things.
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I've read some books.
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I maybe have done, you know,
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traditional therapies.
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And it's just I'm not connected.
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And then I have people that are like,
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life's good.
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I, you know, my first client,
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his life was good.
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He had one business.
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He wanted to start a second business.
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He was just got married.
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He wanted to start a family.
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He needed some help in those areas.
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And he went on to open two
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more businesses.
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You know, he just had got married.
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He had a couple, he had his kids,
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he had his twins and then his boy.
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And so at all different levels,
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people come to see me, but mostly it's,
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it's for folks that I'm a
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kind of a tour guide.
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That's how I explain it.
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And people that are just like, you know,
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I know I want to go
00:09:28
somewhere or I want help
00:09:31
seeing that vision.
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They come to me and I help
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them get awareness of where they're at,
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get clarity on what they want,
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and then help them achieve that.
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And that's kind of where the
00:09:40
coaching piece comes in is, you know,
00:09:43
accountability.
00:09:43
I just have a new client
00:09:44
that started on and we just
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finished our first session.
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She's like, what's my homework?
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And I was like, well,
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and I leave every first
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client I leave with this
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homework is to focus on what you do want.
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Because we can all focus on
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what we don't want.
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That's very easy.
00:09:59
If you ask somebody,
00:10:00
what do you not want in your life,
00:10:01
they could write pages and pages.
00:10:03
But if you were to say, well,
00:10:04
what do you want?
00:10:07
Well, I don't want this.
00:10:09
Nope, that's what you don't want.
00:10:10
What do you want?
00:10:12
And so the first bit of
00:10:13
homework is to focus on what you do want.
00:10:15
And when what I don't want,
00:10:17
the quote unquote,
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I don't want this shows up,
00:10:19
I'd say reframe it to what
00:10:21
do you want instead.
00:10:23
And then I told her and then
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we'll connect.
00:10:25
I said, you know what?
00:10:25
After the next session, we'll connect.
00:10:27
I'll find out what homework
00:10:29
type you need and I'll
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start assigning things in
00:10:31
between our sessions.
00:10:33
And so kind of a gamut of
00:10:35
people that come to see me.
00:10:36
But ultimately,
00:10:36
it's all folks that that
00:10:38
know there's more to their
00:10:39
life and they're just
00:10:40
either they don't see it or
00:10:41
they don't see how to get there.
00:10:43
That, and I mean,
00:10:46
you think about the world,
00:10:49
we have so many messages
00:10:50
coming at us all day long.
00:10:54
It's sometimes no wonder
00:10:56
that we get kind of,
00:10:58
the waters get muddied and
00:10:59
to find our own purpose is
00:11:01
very difficult because
00:11:03
everybody has a squawk box
00:11:04
and there's so much
00:11:06
information being thrown at
00:11:07
us all day long,
00:11:12
So how do you use the
00:11:16
treatment modalities of
00:11:18
neuro-linguistic
00:11:19
programming and polyvagal theory?
00:11:23
If you could just kind of
00:11:24
give us a brief explanation
00:11:26
of the two so that we can
00:11:28
understand and so that I
00:11:29
can understand actually a
00:11:30
little bit more about it
00:11:32
and then how those
00:11:33
treatment modalities fit in
00:11:35
with your work.
00:11:37
Perfect.
00:11:38
Yeah.
00:11:38
So being succinct with this
00:11:39
stuff is just challenging
00:11:40
sometimes because I'm so
00:11:42
passionate about what I do
00:11:43
and I love to talk about it.
00:11:44
I was always like,
00:11:45
I could talk for another
00:11:46
hour about this stuff and,
00:11:48
and a funny aside story.
00:11:49
So I'm, I'm a knowledge nerd,
00:11:51
as they would say, I love learning.
00:11:53
I love growing.
00:11:54
I'm excited.
00:11:54
I read all the time.
00:11:55
My wife and I both are readers.
00:11:56
We have like thousand books in our house.
00:11:58
You know,
00:11:58
it's just exciting to always be
00:12:00
processing things.
00:12:01
And when I stumbled across
00:12:02
polyvagal theory and,
00:12:04
And that was an interesting story.
00:12:05
Just the universe gives you
00:12:06
what you're looking for.
00:12:07
And it showed up.
00:12:08
And when I dove into that field of study,
00:12:12
I have a home office and my
00:12:13
wife also works from home.
00:12:15
And so we have a two-story
00:12:17
house and she has her
00:12:18
office upstairs and I'm
00:12:19
downstairs and we jokingly
00:12:20
call the kitchen the break room.
00:12:22
And so she would be in the
00:12:23
break room and I would come
00:12:25
out of my office just full of fire,
00:12:26
just excited.
00:12:28
And she'd go, polyvagal theory?
00:12:29
And I was like, yes,
00:12:30
I have to tell you this one thing.
00:12:31
I just learned this and it's so exciting.
00:12:33
So-
00:12:34
Anyway, so exciting stuff.
00:12:37
But like I said,
00:12:38
I told a long story about
00:12:39
telling a short story, right?
00:12:41
But neuro-linguistic programming, NLP,
00:12:43
was started in the early seventies.
00:12:47
There's some confusion about
00:12:48
who started it and who was
00:12:49
around and stuff.
00:12:50
There was a lot of people in the field,
00:12:51
but it was at UC Santa Cruz.
00:12:53
And basically a student, Richard Bandler,
00:12:55
and a language professor,
00:12:56
a linguistic professor, John Grinder met.
00:13:01
And what they were looking at is
00:13:03
why does therapy work,
00:13:06
and how does it work,
00:13:07
and why does it work, and that was it.
00:13:09
So they stripped it down.
00:13:10
So it's actually,
00:13:11
when people ask where's the
00:13:12
science that NLP works,
00:13:13
the interesting thing is
00:13:14
it's actually modeled a
00:13:16
bunch of modalities,
00:13:17
meaning they took Virginia Satir,
00:13:18
they knew Virginia Satir's
00:13:20
family therapy.
00:13:21
And they took Milton there.
00:13:22
They knew Milton Erickson.
00:13:23
They took Milton Erickson's hypnosis.
00:13:25
And they worked with Gregory
00:13:26
Bates in non-language.
00:13:27
And John was a linguistic professor, too.
00:13:30
They worked with Noam Chomsky.
00:13:32
And they took these
00:13:33
modalities and they
00:13:34
stripped them down and said,
00:13:35
how can we make change immediately?
00:13:37
And that was the first
00:13:38
criticism about NLP was
00:13:39
that it was non-humanistic
00:13:41
because it was just about making change.
00:13:44
And it wasn't about rapport
00:13:46
and stuff until later.
00:13:47
They built that in.
00:13:48
But basically, it's helping people
00:13:51
to make the changes in their
00:13:52
life they need to.
00:13:53
So it's not so much what you think,
00:13:54
it's how you think.
00:13:56
And the simplistic way I
00:13:57
explain NLP is using the
00:13:59
language of the mind to get
00:14:00
the results you want.
00:14:02
The language of the mind is
00:14:03
we have filters,
00:14:05
And we have strategies and
00:14:07
things of that nature.
00:14:09
And with NLP, we look at that.
00:14:10
So if you have an area of
00:14:11
your life that's not working,
00:14:12
most likely you have a
00:14:14
strategy that's not correct,
00:14:15
that's not working for you.
00:14:17
Meaning you're doing something,
00:14:18
you're like, well,
00:14:19
when I do in relationships, I do this,
00:14:22
I do this, and I do this.
00:14:23
And it's unconscious.
00:14:25
We don't think of our
00:14:26
strategies in that terms.
00:14:28
And that's what I help do.
00:14:29
I help it go from
00:14:30
unconscious to conscious.
00:14:32
So if there's something
00:14:32
that's going wrong in your life with NLP,
00:14:34
we can dig in and say, okay,
00:14:35
so what is he doing?
00:14:37
What's going on?
00:14:38
How are you thinking the way you are?
00:14:40
So if we have a,
00:14:41
if someone has a quote unquote problem,
00:14:43
one of the questions I
00:14:44
would ask is how do you do that problem?
00:14:48
And they might not understand that.
00:14:49
So I have to,
00:14:49
of course I have to coach
00:14:50
them through it and explain,
00:14:51
explain this to them, but it's like, okay,
00:14:53
so what's the first thing that happens?
00:14:54
So if someone, we use the example of,
00:14:56
of this is not really relevant nowadays,
00:14:59
but let's say making phone
00:15:00
calls for sales.
00:15:01
And if someone was having
00:15:02
problems making phone calls
00:15:04
for sales because they say, okay, well,
00:15:05
how do you do having
00:15:07
problem with making sales?
00:15:08
What's the first thing that happens?
00:15:09
Well, I see the phone and I get a feeling,
00:15:12
you know, oh, and then I,
00:15:13
then I hear the other person saying, no,
00:15:14
they don't want it.
00:15:15
And then,
00:15:16
and that's their strategy for
00:15:18
making a call.
00:15:18
And you could see where that's flawed.
00:15:20
So we help them change that
00:15:22
strategy and same way in their life.
00:15:23
So if they're going about
00:15:25
relationships and they're
00:15:27
working from their love strategy and
00:15:30
You know,
00:15:30
some people have love strategy of touch,
00:15:32
some have hearing, some have, you know,
00:15:33
gifts,
00:15:34
and they're using their love
00:15:35
strategy for their other
00:15:36
person in their life.
00:15:37
It might not be working out.
00:15:39
So that's neurolinguistic
00:15:40
programming in kind of a
00:15:41
really small nutshell.
00:15:42
It's, you know,
00:15:44
Virginia Satir's family therapy,
00:15:46
Milton Erickson's hypnosis,
00:15:50
and other modalities have
00:15:51
kind of come in from there.
00:15:53
But what it's all about is
00:15:55
changing that internal
00:15:56
structure because
00:15:58
perception is projection.
00:16:00
So as you see the world is
00:16:02
how you are inside.
00:16:03
So when we change the inside,
00:16:05
we actually change the outside.
00:16:08
And it's working with the
00:16:09
unconscious mind.
00:16:10
Like I said, Milton Erickson,
00:16:11
he was a medical doctor as
00:16:12
he got into the hypnosis.
00:16:14
And he always said,
00:16:14
my patient is my patient
00:16:16
because they're out of
00:16:17
communication with their
00:16:18
unconscious mind.
00:16:20
And so NLP is getting in
00:16:22
touch with that unconscious mind.
00:16:23
Same as hypnosis.
00:16:24
Hypnosis is just having a deep focus,
00:16:28
hyper focus on my voice as
00:16:32
then I go in and I help you do the work.
00:16:35
So in a nutshell is NLP.
00:16:38
And like I said,
00:16:39
it's a very deep and rich field,
00:16:41
but just kind of generic
00:16:42
and as general as possible.
00:16:45
That's helping that.
00:16:47
And then polyvagal theory is
00:16:49
exciting because one of the
00:16:50
things I had mentioned
00:16:51
about NLP is that we have
00:16:52
internal filters, our beliefs, our values,
00:16:56
what we call meta models,
00:16:57
which is kind of how we see the world.
00:16:59
And memories also, memories are a big one.
00:17:03
And you don't remember all your memories,
00:17:05
unfortunately.
00:17:06
So when someone,
00:17:06
when you were four years
00:17:07
old and someone had made a
00:17:09
comment that you respected
00:17:11
about maybe making money, you know,
00:17:13
people that make rich people, blah, blah,
00:17:14
blah.
00:17:16
you have that you kept that
00:17:17
somewhere and that could
00:17:18
lead to a limiting belief
00:17:19
later on in your life and
00:17:20
that's part of nlp is
00:17:21
getting rid of limiting
00:17:22
beliefs but it's dealing
00:17:26
with the unconscious mind
00:17:26
in those filters well the
00:17:27
interesting thing is for
00:17:29
what do those filters come
00:17:30
from so I'll pause that for
00:17:32
a second and go into
00:17:33
polyvagal theory so
00:17:34
polyvagal theory was was
00:17:35
brought up about stephen
00:17:36
porges he was talking about
00:17:38
the vague he was in
00:17:40
investigating the vagal break
00:17:42
which is our vagus nerve is
00:17:43
dealing with the vagus nerve.
00:17:44
And there's a lot of work
00:17:45
right now going on with the
00:17:46
vagus nerve and, and, you know,
00:17:48
using body treatment and stuff like that,
00:17:49
because we've,
00:17:50
we found out that the
00:17:51
easiest way the vagus nerve
00:17:52
is part of the
00:17:53
parasympathetic nervous system.
00:17:55
So we have the sympathetic
00:17:56
nervous system and the
00:17:57
parasympathetic nervous system.
00:17:59
And the way my instructor
00:18:00
told me is the easiest way
00:18:01
to remember it is that P
00:18:03
for parasympathetic nervous
00:18:03
and P is for peace and S
00:18:06
sympathetic nervous system is for stress.
00:18:08
And that's that's simplifying it.
00:18:11
But when you're in your
00:18:12
parasympathetic nervous system,
00:18:13
you're usually at peace and
00:18:15
you're usually calm.
00:18:16
And your sympathetic nervous
00:18:17
system is activated, right?
00:18:19
The fight or flight.
00:18:21
So he was looking at the vagal break,
00:18:23
and I don't want to get too technical,
00:18:23
but just for the structure of this,
00:18:26
he was looking at the vagal break,
00:18:27
which what happens is,
00:18:29
is that the vagal break
00:18:30
keeps your heart rate low
00:18:32
at times of peace.
00:18:34
And then when your
00:18:35
sympathetic nervous system kicks in,
00:18:37
it releases that break so
00:18:38
your heartbeat can beat faster.
00:18:40
Because if you're going to fight or flight,
00:18:42
you need that faster heartbeat.
00:18:44
And so he was looking at
00:18:45
that and he was going deeper into it.
00:18:46
But second conversation,
00:18:48
I'll leave it at that.
00:18:50
But what he found was
00:18:53
there's three parts to polyvagal theory.
00:18:57
And the first one is neuroception.
00:19:00
And that's a word that he coined,
00:19:01
a term he coined.
00:19:02
And basically what it is,
00:19:03
is that our nervous systems
00:19:05
are always looking for
00:19:06
signals of safety and
00:19:08
or stress, basically, or danger.
00:19:12
And neuroception is just that.
00:19:15
It's reading the room, so to speak.
00:19:17
So even us sitting here,
00:19:19
even though we're virtual,
00:19:21
our nervous systems are actually reading.
00:19:23
And if I came on this call
00:19:24
or you came in this call stressed out,
00:19:26
the other person's nervous
00:19:28
system would have read that
00:19:29
and started to elevate you.
00:19:31
If you ever walked in a room
00:19:32
or had someone walk into a
00:19:33
room and you just, oh, just, they were,
00:19:35
the stress was just
00:19:36
dripping off of them or man,
00:19:37
they just changed the mood of the room.
00:19:39
That's because their nervous
00:19:40
system was so high.
00:19:41
The good news is,
00:19:42
is that if a calming
00:19:43
nervous system could also
00:19:44
bring their room down too
00:19:46
and settle the room.
00:19:47
So if you've ever had
00:19:48
somebody that's had that calming effect,
00:19:51
that's what's happening is
00:19:52
that they're so calm that
00:19:54
your nervous system goes, oh, we're safe.
00:19:56
Things are okay.
00:19:58
And it calms down.
00:19:59
So neuroception, reading each other.
00:20:02
Part of that is co-regulation.
00:20:04
And that's what I was talking about.
00:20:05
So our nervous systems co-regulate.
00:20:07
Our nervous system are
00:20:09
looking for signals and our
00:20:11
human bodies are signals.
00:20:13
They're sending these
00:20:15
signals that we don't
00:20:15
consciously aren't aware of,
00:20:18
but we're reading them.
00:20:19
Now,
00:20:19
the challenge with co-regulation is
00:20:21
that you help me regulate
00:20:23
my nervous system.
00:20:24
I help you regulate your
00:20:25
nervous system by that give and take.
00:20:27
The challenge is that if you
00:20:29
grew up in a dysfunctional,
00:20:31
which we don't use that term much anymore,
00:20:32
but dysfunctional childhood,
00:20:35
whether it's alcoholism, abuse, violence,
00:20:40
and your adults in your
00:20:43
life didn't have a
00:20:45
regulated nervous system.
00:20:46
So they were up and down,
00:20:48
maybe always reactive.
00:20:50
Your nervous system
00:20:52
couldn't co-regulate with them.
00:20:53
So your nervous system,
00:20:55
our normal process is that
00:20:56
we learn from those around us.
00:20:59
But the challenges in those
00:21:00
environments is that our
00:21:02
nervous system can't.
00:21:04
So what you do is you teach
00:21:05
your nervous system how to
00:21:06
regulate itself.
00:21:07
So self-regulation.
00:21:09
And the challenge with that
00:21:10
is you haven't lived enough
00:21:11
life to necessarily know
00:21:14
the right signals yet.
00:21:16
So now imagine now you take that, thirty,
00:21:19
forty years in the future,
00:21:21
And your nervous system hasn't,
00:21:23
you haven't done the work,
00:21:23
you haven't done the work yet.
00:21:25
And your nervous system is
00:21:26
still reacting to life as
00:21:27
you did when you were that
00:21:29
three and four year old.
00:21:31
So that's that co-regulation.
00:21:32
And then the other one is,
00:21:33
and this one's a little technical,
00:21:35
but it's the latter.
00:21:36
It's the hierarchy.
00:21:38
So,
00:21:39
and I'll try to make this as simple as
00:21:42
possible.
00:21:44
We have,
00:21:45
there's three parts of the nervous
00:21:46
system that we look at in
00:21:47
polyvagal theory.
00:21:49
And two of them is from the vagal system,
00:21:51
from the vagus nerve.
00:21:53
And one is the sympathetic nervous system.
00:21:55
And basically,
00:21:55
you can imagine it as a ladder.
00:21:58
So the bottom, well,
00:22:01
we start at the bottom and
00:22:02
go to the top because the
00:22:03
top is the good place, so to speak.
00:22:05
And this ladder that I'm
00:22:07
going to explain here,
00:22:08
we go through this.
00:22:09
We move through this every day.
00:22:11
We move through this ladder.
00:22:13
So it's not like one's the
00:22:14
best and one's bad.
00:22:18
With that said, so our nervous system is,
00:22:21
the oldest part of our
00:22:21
nervous system is five million years old.
00:22:24
And that's called the dorsal vagal.
00:22:27
And the dorsal vagal part of the polyvagal,
00:22:30
I'm sorry,
00:22:30
of the vagus nerve is when you shut down.
00:22:34
It's that turtle.
00:22:36
It's when, so the first organisms,
00:22:39
when they saw danger, they just shut down,
00:22:41
went into their shell,
00:22:43
conserved their energy for later,
00:22:45
shut the systems down and whatever.
00:22:48
So that's your dorsal vagal.
00:22:50
That's the oldest part of
00:22:51
our nervous system.
00:22:53
That controls from basically
00:22:55
from our chest, from our breastbone down.
00:22:58
So that's why when you're
00:22:59
depressed and you go into
00:23:02
that dorsal vagal system,
00:23:03
that's why a lot of times
00:23:04
people will have like IBD
00:23:07
and intestinal issues
00:23:08
because it controls the intestines.
00:23:11
And it's pulling energy from
00:23:12
that to save energy for later.
00:23:16
And if you don't have energy in a system,
00:23:17
that system doesn't work well.
00:23:19
And then so that's the shutdown.
00:23:21
So then moving up to it,
00:23:22
what was the next thing that we needed?
00:23:23
Well,
00:23:24
we needed the sympathetic nervous system.
00:23:25
We needed the fight or
00:23:26
flight as we evolved.
00:23:28
And so that's the active
00:23:30
beta part of our nervous system.
00:23:31
That's the part that the
00:23:32
heart rate goes up.
00:23:34
You know, your vision changes, you get,
00:23:36
you know, you get focused,
00:23:37
things of that nature.
00:23:38
It's, you know, and there's other,
00:23:39
the fawn and the flea,
00:23:40
and there's other words to it,
00:23:41
but I'm going to keep it as
00:23:42
simple as possible.
00:23:43
So sympathetic nervous
00:23:44
system is the next part.
00:23:45
And that's where, Oh, something's wrong.
00:23:47
Let's react to it.
00:23:49
And then past that is the
00:23:52
ventral vagal and the
00:23:53
ventral vagal is the newest
00:23:53
part of our nervous system.
00:23:54
It's only about two million
00:23:55
years old and that's safe enough.
00:24:00
Ventral vagal is home.
00:24:02
and ventral vagal is from
00:24:03
the lungs up basically and
00:24:05
there's a lot behind that
00:24:06
too about we tilt our head
00:24:08
we say we're safe you know
00:24:10
we we do vocal bursts we
00:24:11
say uh-huh uh-huh we engage
00:24:13
we make eye contact those
00:24:15
are all symbols that as
00:24:17
humans tell each other that
00:24:19
we are safe that I'm okay I
00:24:22
am not I don't mean you any harm
00:24:24
And so there's the ventral vagal.
00:24:25
And so we move through those
00:24:27
throughout our day.
00:24:27
So you're going through life.
00:24:28
You're going into morning.
00:24:29
You're happy.
00:24:30
You saw your certificate out there.
00:24:31
You had some good coffee.
00:24:33
You go out.
00:24:33
You get in traffic.
00:24:34
Someone cuts you off.
00:24:35
So your body goes into
00:24:36
sympathetic nervous system.
00:24:38
It's like, oh, something's going on.
00:24:40
And then you get safe again
00:24:41
and you're driving.
00:24:42
So you might go back into ventral.
00:24:43
You might move up and, oh,
00:24:45
things are good.
00:24:45
Go into work and have a good day.
00:24:46
But then you might be
00:24:47
thinking about work and
00:24:48
maybe you're not happy at work.
00:24:50
And you,
00:24:51
so then you go into sympathetic
00:24:52
and you move through this
00:24:53
ladder in stages.
00:24:54
So you get, and you're like, oh,
00:24:55
so you feel that stress and
00:24:57
that stress moves you into
00:24:58
sympathetic nervous system.
00:24:59
And then you're like, oh man, work.
00:25:02
And I got this and this
00:25:03
person yelled at me the
00:25:04
other day or whatever.
00:25:05
And maybe then you get upset
00:25:07
and you're like, I don't see any way out.
00:25:09
I have to do this job.
00:25:10
I have to make money.
00:25:11
I have to whatever.
00:25:13
And you get,
00:25:14
and you kind of get depressed
00:25:15
and you might go into
00:25:15
dorsal vagal and you might
00:25:16
start to shut down a little bit.
00:25:18
Yeah.
00:25:20
And then,
00:25:21
but then you move back up and then,
00:25:22
so then you, but then you might say,
00:25:24
you know what?
00:25:25
I'm going to make some changes.
00:25:26
I'm going to take some classes.
00:25:27
I'm going to do my best job.
00:25:29
I'm going to make this work
00:25:30
and I'm excited.
00:25:31
I'm going to make this happen.
00:25:32
So you go into sympathetic,
00:25:33
you get that little,
00:25:34
little charge of energy and you're like,
00:25:36
you know what?
00:25:37
Things are going to be okay.
00:25:38
And then you go back into ventral.
00:25:40
So that's the basic system
00:25:41
of polyvagal theory.
00:25:43
And the reason I mentioned
00:25:44
at the beginning,
00:25:45
we mentioned filters is
00:25:47
because the way you respond to the world.
00:25:51
It's your nervous system responding,
00:25:53
but why does it respond the way it does?
00:25:56
So you and I could walk into
00:25:57
an environment and have something happen,
00:26:00
good, bad, and different,
00:26:02
and we both would react differently.
00:26:06
And why is that?
00:26:08
Because my story about
00:26:09
what's happening is
00:26:10
different than your story
00:26:11
about what's happening.
00:26:13
And so what I love about
00:26:15
this work is I can then see
00:26:17
how you're reacting.
00:26:19
What's showing up when you
00:26:20
get into these interactions?
00:26:21
Why do you have anxiety?
00:26:22
Anxiety is just stress that has no reason.
00:26:25
Your body's sending you a
00:26:26
signal saying that you're in danger,
00:26:29
but there's no danger.
00:26:30
So let's find out why your
00:26:32
body thinks it's in danger
00:26:34
and let's clear that out.
00:26:35
Let's remove,
00:26:36
whether it's a memory or a
00:26:37
limiting decision or whatever,
00:26:39
clear that out.
00:26:41
So then you don't get
00:26:42
anxious when you get in
00:26:43
these environments.
00:26:44
So that's what I love
00:26:45
because it all comes together.
00:26:48
That is fascinating.
00:26:49
And thank you for taking two
00:26:51
very complicated treatment
00:26:54
modalities and making them,
00:26:56
you explained it so well
00:26:57
for someone like me,
00:26:58
you just broke it down into
00:27:00
ways that we could all understand.
00:27:01
So I really appreciate that.
00:27:04
Um, and I'm just, I'm thinking about, um,
00:27:09
just the people that I have
00:27:11
met on my journey and,
00:27:12
and some of the things that
00:27:13
they have gone through and,
00:27:15
and how you described kind
00:27:17
of moving up and down that
00:27:18
ladder and that it's just
00:27:19
not a straight shoot up and
00:27:21
you stay there, that there is definitely,
00:27:24
you know,
00:27:24
you have to give yourself a
00:27:26
grace when you, when you go up and down.
00:27:30
um so how does indigenous
00:27:33
medicine fit in when as
00:27:35
we're seeking healthier
00:27:36
minds so that's the thing
00:27:39
that you know so it's
00:27:40
interesting I try to be I
00:27:41
try to honor where I come
00:27:43
from and my roots my
00:27:44
bloodline but I also I'm
00:27:45
very honest about it and
00:27:47
say that you know I am I am
00:27:49
of a culture but I'm not
00:27:50
from that culture so my my
00:27:53
great-grandmother was uh
00:27:55
And everyone says this and
00:27:56
that's why I always
00:27:57
hesitate because this is
00:27:58
the truth though.
00:27:58
And I know, cause my dad lived with her.
00:28:01
Um, she was born in.
00:28:02
On the Apache reservation in New Mexico.
00:28:05
And while she was born in New Mexico,
00:28:07
but then they moved to the
00:28:08
reservation and were Chiricahua Apache.
00:28:10
And she was a, she did plant medicine.
00:28:12
She was a medicine woman did
00:28:14
plant medicine.
00:28:15
That's not my calling,
00:28:17
but I said earlier about how,
00:28:18
when I was a little kid,
00:28:20
And I had these feelings, I saw things,
00:28:22
I felt things, I didn't understand them,
00:28:24
but I didn't have a mentor.
00:28:25
We didn't really talk about it.
00:28:26
The only thing that ever was
00:28:27
really mentioned was my dad
00:28:28
occasionally would say, oh,
00:28:29
he reminds me of grandma.
00:28:32
But we didn't go into it.
00:28:33
We didn't really get into it.
00:28:34
So I want to honor that.
00:28:37
And I come from that,
00:28:38
but I also want to be true about that.
00:28:40
You know, I don't come,
00:28:41
I'm not from that culture.
00:28:42
I didn't grow up in that culture.
00:28:44
My relatives,
00:28:44
I have relatives that are in that area,
00:28:47
but that's not it.
00:28:48
But so...
00:28:49
One of the challenges I had
00:28:52
was I recognize and I honor those roots.
00:28:55
And I looked at it and I said, well,
00:28:57
do I need to learn the old ways?
00:28:59
Is that my path?
00:29:00
I need to go back and learn the old ways.
00:29:02
Now, I will say this.
00:29:04
I am studying South American
00:29:05
shamanism and medicine.
00:29:08
I am studying Southwest
00:29:10
America medicine and the
00:29:13
Northwest medicine, you know,
00:29:16
Louis Mel Medrana is a great
00:29:18
teacher and I've taken a
00:29:18
lot of his classes and,
00:29:22
but I'm not from there.
00:29:24
And so as I looked at that, I said, well,
00:29:25
do I really need to go back to the,
00:29:28
maybe the DNA, the Navajo, the DNA roots?
00:29:30
Cause we're also there.
00:29:31
And I said, you know what?
00:29:33
My, my medicine is NLP.
00:29:37
My medicine is polyvagal theory.
00:29:40
That's my medicine.
00:29:41
That's how I can help people.
00:29:44
That's how I can translate
00:29:45
who I am to the world and help them heal.
00:29:49
So once I honored, once I said,
00:29:51
you know what, you're honoring it,
00:29:53
but you don't have to stick
00:29:54
to the script.
00:29:55
You can, and it's not like take it.
00:29:57
I don't take from column A
00:29:58
from column B. I honor what
00:29:59
I do learn and I am
00:30:01
learning different things.
00:30:02
But the beauty is,
00:30:03
and then I'm also trained in Huna,
00:30:06
which is a Hawaiian art.
00:30:08
And my mentor, my mentor, Ted James,
00:30:10
lived in Hawaii for many years,
00:30:11
and he was actually trained
00:30:12
by one of the kahunas out there,
00:30:14
Papa Bray Jr.
00:30:15
And so that's an indigenous art also.
00:30:19
And that comes to being of
00:30:21
the earth and being of nature.
00:30:23
You know,
00:30:24
I talk about there's three connections,
00:30:25
the three main connections,
00:30:26
connection to self, connection to others,
00:30:29
and connection to something
00:30:31
bigger than us.
00:30:32
So whether that's God, creator, source,
00:30:34
spirit, universe, you know.
00:30:37
Yeah.
00:30:37
And an indigenous medicine
00:30:39
is all about the creator
00:30:42
and about nature.
00:30:44
And realizing that we are
00:30:45
part of something bigger.
00:30:47
You know, you're never alone.
00:30:49
And, you know, today's day with technology,
00:30:51
you're never alone.
00:30:52
But, you know, joking aside,
00:30:55
we're all connected.
00:30:56
You and I are connected.
00:30:56
Before we even met, we were connected.
00:31:00
And as human beings, we're connected.
00:31:02
I love the saying that says
00:31:03
we're spiritual beings
00:31:04
having a human experience.
00:31:05
And so that spiritual,
00:31:06
that spiritual part of us
00:31:07
is all connected.
00:31:09
And so in the,
00:31:10
not speaking for all indigenous medicines,
00:31:11
but how I learn it, how I teach it,
00:31:13
how I use it is that
00:31:15
connection and realizing
00:31:17
that we are part of a bigger system,
00:31:21
but we are that system.
00:31:23
And so I honor and respect that.
00:31:24
And I teach people to
00:31:25
reconnect because that's the problem.
00:31:28
We get disconnected.
00:31:29
And that's what, when I consider healing,
00:31:32
that's what I consider is that, you know,
00:31:34
my symbol for my company is a symbol,
00:31:37
a Native American symbol for homecoming.
00:31:40
Because,
00:31:40
and then also the name of my
00:31:42
company is One Path.
00:31:44
And that doesn't mean
00:31:45
there's only one path.
00:31:46
That comes from a Ram Dass saying,
00:31:48
and Ram Dass is saying is
00:31:49
we're all just walking each other home.
00:31:51
Yes, I love that quote.
00:31:53
Yeah.
00:31:54
And, you know,
00:31:55
there's many trails that go
00:31:57
to the top of the mountain,
00:31:58
but the top of the mountain
00:31:58
is the top of the mountain.
00:32:00
And we're all walking each other home.
00:32:02
And so in that sense,
00:32:03
that's how I bring in the
00:32:04
indigenous medicines that I,
00:32:06
and I'm still studying.
00:32:07
I'm still growing.
00:32:08
I'm still open to what
00:32:11
message that's sharing with
00:32:12
me and how I can better help people.
00:32:15
But that's the truth of that, that,
00:32:16
that source is about that connection,
00:32:18
connection to nature and
00:32:19
connections to each other.
00:32:22
I love that.
00:32:23
And it's actually,
00:32:24
I think that it's a great
00:32:26
way that you're marrying
00:32:30
the two together.
00:32:32
And truly,
00:32:33
I bet you your great-grandmother
00:32:37
is kind of smiling because you are...
00:32:40
you have that intuitive part, right?
00:32:42
So maybe it's not exactly
00:32:45
like traditional indigenous medicine,
00:32:47
but that intuition that you
00:32:50
have to have when you're
00:32:51
working with people to
00:32:52
really get at what is
00:32:54
really deeper within them
00:32:57
that's preventing them from
00:32:59
walking forward.
00:33:01
I do know for my own
00:33:04
personal journey and for
00:33:05
people that I've worked with,
00:33:07
um nature is one of the
00:33:10
greatest teachers um if you
00:33:13
are willing to pay
00:33:14
attention and um there was
00:33:17
a time in my life where I
00:33:18
didn't have time attention
00:33:20
I I probably walked by some
00:33:22
beautiful sites and missed
00:33:23
them all because I was so
00:33:24
busy and then you come to a
00:33:27
point in your life where you're like
00:33:30
standing in the yard and
00:33:31
hoping a tree gives you a message,
00:33:33
you know, I mean, you,
00:33:34
we all find ourselves at
00:33:35
that point at some point
00:33:37
where we're just searching
00:33:39
for answers and nature has answers.
00:33:43
If we become still,
00:33:45
and you said that at the beginning,
00:33:49
that willingness to become still.
00:33:51
And for people who make their lives very,
00:33:56
very busy,
00:33:58
that can be a very scary
00:33:59
prospect to become still
00:34:02
and to turn off the
00:34:03
television and to put your
00:34:05
phone down and just become still.
00:34:09
When I first started my
00:34:10
meditation practice...
00:34:12
me, my Lord, I, you know, and I,
00:34:15
it was so it was hilarious,
00:34:17
because I would be trying
00:34:19
to meditate and thinking
00:34:20
about everything but peace, you know,
00:34:22
it was just,
00:34:23
but I had to kind of re
00:34:26
educate myself about what it meant, right,
00:34:30
to go deeper.
00:34:33
So
00:34:35
We talked about the roadblocks,
00:34:37
but what about you?
00:34:38
So from all of this journey,
00:34:40
what's the most surprising
00:34:41
thing that you've learned
00:34:43
about yourself from this work?
00:34:47
Wow, that's a great question.
00:34:48
And that's my pause, right?
00:34:53
You know, honestly,
00:34:54
my biggest challenge during
00:34:55
my life has been not being myself.
00:34:59
And because of my journey,
00:35:01
and I didn't really go into this,
00:35:02
but because of my journey,
00:35:03
because of not
00:35:05
understanding or being
00:35:06
mentored in what I was,
00:35:07
and it's not blaming other people,
00:35:09
you know,
00:35:10
just that's the reality is that
00:35:11
I didn't have an understanding.
00:35:13
It scared me about what I
00:35:15
saw and felt and all that good stuff.
00:35:17
And it just was like,
00:35:18
I don't know what to do.
00:35:19
And I actually wrote an
00:35:21
article a while back that the title was,
00:35:24
Where Did Your Smile Go?
00:35:26
And I looked at the pictures
00:35:28
of myself as a young kid
00:35:30
and I'm smiling and I'm
00:35:31
happy and I'm joking.
00:35:32
And then around ten years old,
00:35:34
my smile goes away in pictures.
00:35:37
And so I really had to contemplate this.
00:35:41
And this was only about a year or two ago.
00:35:42
And I said, you know, what was that?
00:35:46
And I came to the
00:35:47
realization that I gave up.
00:35:50
I gave up being who I was.
00:35:52
I gave up trying to be me.
00:35:54
and I said you know what I I
00:35:56
can't find this path it's
00:35:58
just not working and I
00:36:00
really gave up and I
00:36:01
started being so I'm a
00:36:02
really good chameleon I
00:36:04
could fit in anywhere I'm
00:36:06
really good with languages
00:36:07
and being able to kind of
00:36:08
mimic you know languages in
00:36:10
that sense just I really
00:36:11
became a sponge to like
00:36:13
And we all do this to an extent, you know,
00:36:16
we look,
00:36:16
we socialize and we look at
00:36:17
what's acceptable, what's not.
00:36:18
Like if you watch a small
00:36:19
child tell a joke, they read the room.
00:36:22
And then if people are like, what?
00:36:23
They're like, I was just joking, you know,
00:36:26
or, but that's, that's what happened.
00:36:28
And so for me, for a lot of years,
00:36:31
I just shut down and just
00:36:32
did what I thought I was supposed to do.
00:36:35
And through this work,
00:36:36
I discovered Jason again,
00:36:38
I discovered myself and
00:36:40
with a lot of prodding and
00:36:42
my wife's my biggest fan.
00:36:43
And my biggest, you know,
00:36:45
instigator should poke me and, hey, hey,
00:36:47
you know, this is who you are.
00:36:48
This is what you're, this is your calling.
00:36:50
You have a gift.
00:36:51
You have to do it.
00:36:52
And so the biggest thing
00:36:54
that I found was by stripping, you know,
00:36:56
I'm going to stop for a second.
00:36:57
You know,
00:36:58
they asked Michelangelo about David and,
00:37:00
you know, what did he say?
00:37:01
He took this piece of marble
00:37:02
and he just cut away
00:37:03
everything that wasn't David.
00:37:04
Yeah.
00:37:05
And that's what I did with myself.
00:37:07
And that's what I help others do.
00:37:09
It's not about growth is not about adding,
00:37:12
believe it or not.
00:37:13
growth and healing is about
00:37:16
removing taking away those
00:37:18
things that are holding you
00:37:19
back cutting away cutting
00:37:21
out that marble so to speak
00:37:22
to the true you shows up
00:37:24
and that was my biggest
00:37:25
lesson through all of my
00:37:26
learnings through all of my
00:37:27
you know you go to you go
00:37:28
to these schoolings and you
00:37:29
do the you do the processes
00:37:31
as well and you get the
00:37:32
benefit of going through
00:37:33
these you know I've had
00:37:35
sessions in lp I've had
00:37:36
sessions and this stuff and
00:37:38
my biggest learning is that
00:37:40
we have to actually let go of things
00:37:44
to grow there's there is
00:37:48
that moment and I think
00:37:50
when you come to that
00:37:51
crossroads in your life
00:37:52
that moment of surrender
00:37:54
where you say you know what
00:37:57
I don't I don't know what
00:37:58
to do I haven't got it
00:37:59
figured out so and you have
00:38:02
to really relinquish what
00:38:04
you've what the illusion of
00:38:08
power or control right um
00:38:10
you you have to let go of that
00:38:15
I am just so touched by what
00:38:18
you're saying.
00:38:19
It's not about adding things.
00:38:21
It's about removing things
00:38:23
and removing those things
00:38:25
that are in our way of
00:38:27
becoming who we are.
00:38:28
And I am a huge fan of Pema Chodron.
00:38:31
And I devoured her books and
00:38:35
continue to do so.
00:38:37
But she talks about that.
00:38:39
She talks about that
00:38:40
unchangeable peace within you.
00:38:44
that no matter what has happened to you,
00:38:46
no matter what you've been through,
00:38:48
no matter what someone has
00:38:49
done to you or you have done to them,
00:38:51
that there is this gentle
00:38:53
peace within you that is
00:38:54
beautiful and it does not change.
00:38:58
And finding our way back to that,
00:39:01
that's the path, right?
00:39:03
Yeah, that is just remarkable.
00:39:07
Thank you so much for that.
00:39:09
So if you could tell our
00:39:12
listeners right now,
00:39:13
so primarily I work with people who are,
00:39:16
who have gone through very
00:39:17
difficult circumstances.
00:39:18
Sometimes it is the loss of a loved one.
00:39:21
Sometimes it is the loss of
00:39:24
who they thought they were
00:39:26
through illness, which is a huge thing,
00:39:29
especially with people who,
00:39:31
who walk with chronic
00:39:32
illness from day to day.
00:39:35
If you could tell them three
00:39:36
things that they could do today to,
00:39:39
that would improve their mental wellness,
00:39:42
what would you tell them to do?
00:39:43
Just three simple tips.
00:39:47
Starts with forgiveness.
00:39:49
That's a huge part.
00:39:51
I actually just taught a
00:39:52
class this weekend on
00:39:53
forgiveness and I teach a
00:39:53
class monthly on
00:39:54
forgiveness and forgiveness
00:39:56
of others and forgiveness of yourself.
00:39:58
And the quote that I love is,
00:40:05
forgive not because they
00:40:06
deserve forgiveness,
00:40:06
but because you deserve peace.
00:40:09
And forgiveness is not
00:40:10
saying what the other
00:40:11
person or people did is
00:40:12
correct or appropriate or right.
00:40:14
It's just allowing you to
00:40:15
release that burden from yourself.
00:40:17
And just releasing that
00:40:20
weight will change your
00:40:22
life just by simply letting go.
00:40:25
And it's funny because you
00:40:26
said relinquish.
00:40:27
And part of my,
00:40:28
I've been doing this class
00:40:29
for a while and I always add to it,
00:40:31
you know, I always tweak it a little bit.
00:40:32
And I'd share a story now
00:40:33
about the difference between,
00:40:34
because we talk about
00:40:34
release and the difference
00:40:36
between release and relinquish.
00:40:38
and you know release is
00:40:39
letting it go but
00:40:40
relinquish is letting go
00:40:42
the feelings that you need
00:40:44
to control the outcome or
00:40:45
you need to control it to a
00:40:46
further extent even though
00:40:48
once it's out of your hands
00:40:49
you still want to control
00:40:50
it but that relinquish
00:40:51
allows you and you know
00:40:52
this and relinquish allows
00:40:53
you to let that go so
00:40:55
forgiveness forgive
00:40:56
yourself with loving kindness
00:40:59
and compassion forgive
00:41:00
yourself for whatever
00:41:01
whatever you're holding on
00:41:02
to whatever you're blaming
00:41:03
yourself for there's no
00:41:05
need for blame blame
00:41:06
doesn't do any good so love
00:41:08
yourself and say that and
00:41:10
forgive others and that's
00:41:12
forgiving the part of them
00:41:13
that lives inside of you
00:41:14
that's the key that's what
00:41:16
you're doing with
00:41:16
forgiveness of others
00:41:17
you're forgiving the part
00:41:18
of them that lives inside
00:41:19
of you so forgiveness is
00:41:20
one once you get past you
00:41:23
know you can do that
00:41:26
doing yourself I mean
00:41:27
obviously there's group
00:41:28
work that could be done
00:41:29
with one with another
00:41:30
person you know and working
00:41:31
in that but the one thing
00:41:33
is is and we talked about
00:41:34
it already but still get
00:41:36
still be silent you know I
00:41:38
am not I'm mentioning god
00:41:41
and I and but it's not a
00:41:43
religious way it's just its
00:41:44
source its creator whatever
00:41:45
it is to you that higher power but
00:41:48
You know, they say that the Rumi,
00:41:51
the Sufi poet Rumi says, you know,
00:41:53
that silence is the language of God.
00:41:55
All else is false translation.
00:41:58
find time in your life to get silent,
00:42:01
find time and stillness.
00:42:02
And, you know,
00:42:02
you talked about meditation.
00:42:04
I've been meditating since I
00:42:05
was eight years old, believe it or not.
00:42:06
I found a black belt
00:42:07
magazine and I found about box breathing.
00:42:09
And so I've been, and I've had the,
00:42:12
I've studied with people at
00:42:13
the San Francisco Zen
00:42:13
Center and I was in Japan for a couple,
00:42:15
for a year.
00:42:16
And I studied with some Zen
00:42:17
monks and I've had the
00:42:18
opportunity to be very
00:42:19
blessed to study with Jack
00:42:20
Kornfield online.
00:42:22
But
00:42:24
It's just so simple.
00:42:26
You know, we struggle with it,
00:42:27
but get silent.
00:42:28
That's what I tell people.
00:42:31
Find a room,
00:42:32
maybe be a little bit darker
00:42:33
and just sit in silence and
00:42:34
just breathe and just breathe.
00:42:37
Whatever comes up, comes up.
00:42:38
Give yourself a minute today.
00:42:39
I'm going to breathe.
00:42:40
I'm just going to follow my
00:42:41
breath for a minute and go from there.
00:42:45
You know, I was,
00:42:47
I was listening to a
00:42:47
college professor that
00:42:48
they're talking about.
00:42:48
He goes, you know, everyone, he goes, I,
00:42:50
he was saying his story,
00:42:51
he struggled as you were
00:42:52
saying with meditation, when he started,
00:42:53
you know, they would say, okay,
00:42:54
go inside and find the stillness.
00:42:57
And he's like,
00:42:57
I couldn't find the stillness.
00:42:58
So I was done.
00:42:59
I couldn't go from there, you know?
00:43:01
And so that's a valid point.
00:43:03
So don't make it bigger than it is.
00:43:05
Let's just start.
00:43:06
So in your day,
00:43:07
find a place where you can
00:43:08
get some silence.
00:43:09
You know,
00:43:09
I used to work in retail
00:43:10
leadership and I had some struggles.
00:43:12
And I would always step back in my office,
00:43:15
turn the lights off,
00:43:16
take a couple breaths, find my center.
00:43:20
And I was good again.
00:43:20
And I'd go back out.
00:43:21
So start there.
00:43:22
So find some time during
00:43:23
your day to get silent.
00:43:25
And then the third thing,
00:43:27
connect with others.
00:43:28
We, you know, so many,
00:43:31
so many negative things, obviously,
00:43:33
I mean,
00:43:33
up to death during the COVID years,
00:43:35
but we even further
00:43:37
disconnected from each other.
00:43:39
And now there's polarization
00:43:40
about us and them and all
00:43:41
that silliness and
00:43:43
We're all together.
00:43:43
We're all connected together.
00:43:44
Let's communicate.
00:43:45
Let's talk to each other,
00:43:47
but connect with somebody,
00:43:49
whether it's a phone call,
00:43:50
it's a zoom call, you know, online or,
00:43:53
or go down to your local
00:43:54
community and just say, hi,
00:43:56
that connection,
00:43:58
smiling at somebody that
00:44:00
will change your life.
00:44:02
It sounds simple,
00:44:02
but these three things are very simple,
00:44:04
but they will shift your
00:44:06
awareness and they will
00:44:07
shift how you feel inside.
00:44:10
And that's the beginning.
00:44:11
That's that first step that
00:44:12
you take on that long journey.
00:44:14
It certainly is.
00:44:16
And, you know, it,
00:44:17
it is such a simple thing to,
00:44:19
to connect with others,
00:44:20
but just so incredibly
00:44:23
important and actually was
00:44:24
one of the motivators for
00:44:25
me to start this podcast.
00:44:29
You know, I've been,
00:44:30
I've been doing this work
00:44:31
for about fifteen years and
00:44:33
prior to that being in health care.
00:44:35
And I
00:44:37
I just realized that so many
00:44:41
of us feel that we have to
00:44:42
walk this path alone,
00:44:43
and that is just an illusion.
00:44:46
And when I was at my lowest,
00:44:49
I reached out.
00:44:50
I was looking, searching.
00:44:53
And I found people who were
00:44:56
willing to walk with me.
00:44:58
And so I wanted to start
00:45:00
this podcast to talk to people like you,
00:45:03
to talk to people who have
00:45:05
overcome some of the most
00:45:06
challenging circumstances.
00:45:09
um to to realize to show
00:45:11
people you are not alone
00:45:13
there is a place for you if
00:45:14
you have not found it keep
00:45:16
looking keep looking
00:45:20
because your people they're
00:45:21
there they're there and and
00:45:23
then further to that point
00:45:25
about the divisions that we
00:45:26
see now not not only in our
00:45:29
country but in the world
00:45:30
every you know it's quite
00:45:32
divided we're at a very
00:45:34
um, pivotal point in,
00:45:36
in our history as humans.
00:45:39
Um,
00:45:39
one of the things that I knew right
00:45:41
away when my son passed
00:45:43
away was that we were all
00:45:45
connected and for whatever reason.
00:45:48
And I, I,
00:45:49
I assume it's because that was a
00:45:50
moment of surrender in my life.
00:45:52
Right.
00:45:54
But all of a sudden I had
00:45:55
this awareness that I was
00:45:57
completely connected with
00:45:59
not just everybody, but everything.
00:46:02
Yeah.
00:46:03
Right down to a cellular level.
00:46:06
And it changed everything for me.
00:46:09
Because what happens when
00:46:11
you realize that is there's
00:46:14
a piece that comes with that, right?
00:46:17
Because you're not in it on your own.
00:46:19
You're totally connected.
00:46:21
So it's not your
00:46:22
responsibility to try to
00:46:23
fix everything either.
00:46:25
Right.
00:46:25
You're in it together.
00:46:27
You're all in it together.
00:46:28
So I do hope conversations
00:46:31
like the one we're having today,
00:46:33
that the more that people
00:46:34
can hear that message and
00:46:36
realize that the
00:46:39
differences that we might
00:46:40
have over whatever,
00:46:43
that our commonalities are
00:46:46
far more important for us to focus on.
00:46:52
So in my global gratitude group,
00:46:55
so I have this group,
00:46:57
it's called Just One Little Thing.
00:46:58
And I started it, uh,
00:47:00
fifteen years ago when I
00:47:02
was going through my own
00:47:02
grief and difficulty.
00:47:04
And basically, um, I did it,
00:47:06
started with my family and
00:47:08
then expanded to an online group.
00:47:10
But it's what a tool that we
00:47:12
used as a family to kind of
00:47:15
tether ourselves to the
00:47:16
present moment and help us
00:47:20
see that even though we
00:47:21
were suffering and really
00:47:23
hurting at that time,
00:47:24
that there was still good
00:47:25
for us around us.
00:47:27
So we would look for just
00:47:28
one little thing.
00:47:29
And just one little thing is
00:47:31
because we weren't sure if
00:47:32
we could find just one little thing.
00:47:35
So we said,
00:47:35
if we can find just one little thing,
00:47:38
we're going to be okay today.
00:47:40
So we would say,
00:47:40
what's your one little thing today?
00:47:42
And my son maybe scored a
00:47:45
goal on the soccer field at recess,
00:47:49
or he had a good hockey game.
00:47:50
He was big into hockey.
00:47:53
Mine might be that I was
00:47:55
brave enough to walk to the
00:47:56
mailbox that day because I
00:47:59
was struggling.
00:48:00
And my husband might be that
00:48:02
we all had smiles on our face at dinner.
00:48:05
And so that expanded into
00:48:06
this global group.
00:48:07
So I'm going to put you on the spot.
00:48:10
So today...
00:48:12
My one little thing is learning from you.
00:48:15
That's one big thing.
00:48:18
Learning from you.
00:48:19
I am glad that technology
00:48:22
cooperated because I'm not
00:48:24
really too much of an
00:48:26
expert in that regard.
00:48:27
So that all worked out so far.
00:48:29
Yeah.
00:48:31
And just for the gift of another day,
00:48:34
the gift of another day to
00:48:35
be able to talk to people
00:48:36
like you and spread the
00:48:39
message of hope and
00:48:41
gratitude and resilience.
00:48:42
So that's my one little things.
00:48:45
And what are you thankful for today?
00:48:49
I'm very thankful for a
00:48:50
connection and a connection
00:48:51
with us and that we had
00:48:52
this opportunity to meet
00:48:54
and to have this conversation and that
00:48:58
It helps me also recognize
00:49:00
that all the work that I've done,
00:49:01
it pays off.
00:49:02
That as you grow, you grow.
00:49:05
That turns out.
00:49:09
And also connection with my wife.
00:49:10
My wife's off today.
00:49:12
She took a couple days around the holiday.
00:49:13
And after this,
00:49:14
we're going to spend some time together.
00:49:16
And so to be able to not
00:49:17
only have someone in my life,
00:49:20
but to recognize the need for
00:49:23
to connect and the need to
00:49:25
not take her you know for
00:49:26
granted and the and the
00:49:27
ability to be able to to
00:49:29
have her in my life and to
00:49:30
have her be here in the
00:49:31
next room and when this is
00:49:33
done to show so and
00:49:34
ultimately my one little
00:49:35
thing is connection and and
00:49:38
being grateful for that connection
00:49:41
Yeah, that's beautiful.
00:49:44
So before we finish our interview,
00:49:46
I want to make sure that
00:49:47
the listeners know how to
00:49:48
find you and how to find your work.
00:49:51
So if you could just share
00:49:53
some of the links to your
00:49:55
website and how they can track you down.
00:49:59
Thank you so much.
00:50:00
And I'm very accessible.
00:50:01
I love to talk to folks.
00:50:02
I'm very responsive to people.
00:50:03
Unless you call me, don't call me.
00:50:05
I'm either in session or I'm
00:50:06
doing something like this or, you know,
00:50:08
I don't answer my phone.
00:50:10
I will respond to it later, but I don't.
00:50:12
Okay.
00:50:12
So we're obviously related
00:50:14
because ask my husband.
00:50:15
My phone's always in the
00:50:16
bottom of my purse.
00:50:17
So, yeah.
00:50:18
Exactly.
00:50:19
Um,
00:50:21
so my company's name is one path
00:50:22
coaching and pretty much
00:50:24
everything revolves around that.
00:50:25
So like my website is all words,
00:50:27
all spelled out www.onepathcoaching.com.
00:50:32
And my,
00:50:33
my email is one path coaching at
00:50:35
gmail.com.
00:50:37
They can reach out.
00:50:38
And if you search me,
00:50:39
I'm pretty active on social media,
00:50:41
LinkedIn.
00:50:42
I love LinkedIn and I'm there.
00:50:44
I have an Instagram, I have a Facebook,
00:50:45
but that's just for events mostly.
00:50:48
But if you read, if you're on LinkedIn,
00:50:49
please join,
00:50:50
reach out and connect with me.
00:50:51
I love to have more
00:50:53
community and that's the main ways,
00:50:55
you know,
00:50:55
really email me for more information,
00:50:58
or you can just check out
00:50:58
my website and there's all
00:50:59
my links are on there as well.
00:51:02
That's great.
00:51:03
Well, Jason,
00:51:04
thank you so much for chatting
00:51:07
with me today.
00:51:07
It has been an absolute
00:51:09
pleasure and a wonderful
00:51:11
learning experience.
00:51:13
And I'm sure for all of our
00:51:14
listeners as well.
00:51:15
So thank you.
00:51:16
And thank you for having me
00:51:17
on here and sharing me with
00:51:18
your community and sharing
00:51:19
your community with me.
00:51:20
I really appreciate that.
00:51:22
And I'm looking forward to
00:51:23
learning more about you.
00:51:24
I looked up some stuff and
00:51:26
I'm excited to learn from you as well.
00:51:29
Thank you.
00:51:30
Okay.
00:51:31
Take care.